Author: mrnotso

Baseball Cards & Apparitions

Your Holiness
I have an idea to get the youth more interested in the priesthood, namely the Holy Synod. Bishop baseball cards. Most people couldn’t tell one bishop from a metropolitan from a khoriepiscopos. I mean for the most part one man in a big hat and beard looks like any other man in a big hat with a beard, unless you know them personally or they have some distinctive characteristic like a funky beard. The cards can have interesting stats about each bishop such as number of excommunications or exorcisim performed. The kids would trade and collect them and in the process learn about their bishops.

Sayedna,
I’m having visitations from St. Moses the Black. He appears through my fire escape window. Each time he appears, he takes a “gift” or “donation” with him when he leaves. I assume he appears to poor families giving them what he takes because what use is a tv or a vcr to a saint. My question is, how much should I give him? Should I save my tithes and give it to him when appears?

10 More Pickup Lines That Don’t Work

1. The word of the day is legs. Let’s go up to my room and spread the word.
2. Should I call you in the morning or just nudge you?
3. My name’s not Elmo but you can tickle me anytime.
4. (lick her sleeve) Well we better get you out of those wet clothes!
5. Whoops! Sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
6. Stick with me baby and I’ll buy you rocks as big as diamonds
7. Being a multimillionaire really doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.
8. Hi, my name is Milk and I will do your body good
9. What color lipstick is that? I’ve never kissed that color.
10. If I could only be with you in my dreams, I would sleep forever.

NOTE I HAVE NOT EMPIRICALLY TESTED THESE OUT PERSONALLY

Why You Shouldn’t Believe What You See On TV (based on real life experience)

  • Not matter how many Butterfinger bars you bite into, no one will passionately kiss you because of that.
  • If you are a screw-up drinking Molson does not make everything right, but only a drunk screw-up.
  • No matter how many times you end alone with a member of the opposite sex in an elevator, nothing happens. Nothing.
  • A mail-order diploma does not lead to fun fulfilling career in TV/VCR repair, Data entry, et c.
  • Ron Popiel (maker of hundreds informercial apppliances) is not the second coming

Diamonds aren’t Forever

Once a diamond is removed from the conditions which formed it, entropy causes its crystalline structure to deteriorate. Basically every diamond you see is ever so slowly reverting to coal.

Unfortunately, telling this little fact to a woman after handing her a piece of coal set in a ring and telling her it was a diamond when you bought the ring, doesn’t work.

Proud to be Egyptian

“You also committed harlotry with the Egyptians, your very fleshly neighbors, and increased your acts of harlotry to provoke Me to anger. ”
Ezekiel 16:26 (NKJV)

“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”
Ezekiel 23:19,20 (NIV)

Interpretation: Once you go Egyptian you don’t go back. (Not as catchy as the original). If it prophesied about then it is not a stereotype or myth but rather the truth for God speaks through the words of the prophets and in noo way can the Divine Inspiration of the Holy Spirit lead to falsehoods.Therefore the prophet spoke of one of the blessings set upon the Egyptian Nation. It also gives credence to a footnote in the Sir Richard Burton’s translation of “1001 Arabian Nights” where it states Egyptians are nothing more than whitewashed negroes.
So rejoice O, men and women of Egypt, for God has blessed us exceedingly.