Your Holiness,
Can we please stop the production of Saint movies? Because of them I am in serious danger of losing my faith. It gives the worst image possible of the church and the idea of venerating the saints. I’m now thinking monks in the early church were retarded based on these movies? Having seen St. Hilaria, yet none noticed she was a woman even with the the swell of her bosom apparent under he monks robe. Or the various historical inaccuracies with interior shots of churches with icons of saints who hadn’t been born yet during the period of the film. Or there are characters wearing a kolonssia despite the movie taking place before the time of St. Antony. Or the costumes, where every angel I have seen looks like a refuge from a gay pride parade dressed in bright fluorescent or pastel colors and wearing blond wigs. Also can the actors grow beards because cotton glued to the face isn’t all that convincing. I doubt everyone back then was wearing shiny satin in day-glo colors. Or the over the top acting, and in many of them the actor playing the saint is so smug that its put me off of the saint. Its bad, your holiness, when watching a saint movie, you can’t wait until they are martyred/die so the movie can be over. I ask that the production of these movies stop or maybe send people to Hollywood or a real film school to get some training before making another movie?
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An advice column for all things Coptic Orthodox those lukewarm sinners who will be vomited out of the mouth of Christ come Judgment Day.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I know the chicken did not cross the road to get to church to partake of the Holy Sacraments, because chickens have no spirits so baptism to them is of no use. Thus they are unable to become Christian and partake of the blessed sacraments. And if there is any priest who would baptize a chicken he should be defrocked, excommunicated and stoned publicly (not sure the canons allow for that but they should.)
Also why should one should care if a chicken is crossing a road unless he is chasing it. Why are you chasing a chicken. The only reason would be to eat it or use it for eggs to eat. Since we fast 200+ days a year, chances are you are breaking the fast with you gluttonous desires. And if you claim you are not going to eat it then you must be planning to use it for some other sinful reasons. Stop it! You hould not desire the chicken nor even notice the chicken is there, for the chicken is Satan trying to lead you and others across the road with him into eternal damnation. The fathers speak of the unrepentent being the Lord’s chickens.
So for the sake of your salvation, stop chasing chickens. You should be spending that time in prayers and prostrations.
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“Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more. ” Proverbs 31:6,7
Interpretation: Life sucks? Drink up. Its biblical. The Egyptian proverb of “Drink and forget” turns out to be a biblical command.
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Your Grace,
Is the purpose of striving for unity with other churches is to increase the pool of hot chicks we can choose from?
(thanx j.g. for idea)
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You might be a Saidi (Upper Eyptian) if…
Your favorite games involve physical violence.
You have been beaten and/or have beaten someone with a schooma.
You know what a schooma is.
You hold a grudge for a really really really long time , no seriously, a really long time like for generations.
You eat things with names like shlaulau.
You have an instinctual dislke of Alexandrians.
Watching westerns like Tombstone, remind you (or your parents) of the town they grew up in.
You think vendetta is a reasonable way to settle disagreements.
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Not So Spiritual Words 