Category: Rants

A New Saint?

Mar 16

A New Saint?

Synaxarium Gems Add comments

There is a man who while his name is unknown and has a massive positive impact on the fasts of Orthodox Christians across the country. His work bring a subtle sublime joy to our communal worship not unlike a grace of the Holy Spirit. His work brings a healing touch to those who suffer during the fasts. Among themselves monks and members of the Synod have spoke with great enthusiasm to each of his work and recommend it to each. With the fruits of his labor it lessens certain distractions from within and without which allow us to enter into deeper spirituality. He truly is a defender of the fast.

This man is the inventor of Beano.

Its a shame the Orthodox church does not have a formal canonization process but if enough people venerate him, he could be accept as a saint by popular acclaim. Axios, axios, axios Mr. Beano.

<!–/entry <!– You can start editing here. <!– If comments are open, but there are no comments.

Leave a Reply

Name (required) Mail (will not be published) (required) Website

<!–/post

Starving Exchange Student

The militant Copt feels a need to comment on a news scandal sweeping the Coptic community, about an exchange student starving nearly to death while starving with a Coptic family. First this would have never occurred if he had stayed with a Sa’idi family, the opposite news article would have occurred, where he would have ended up dying of morbid obesity. Second of all, who has ever lost that much weight during a fast, You have older gentleman in church with guts large enough to hide a small family of Cambodian refugees in, fasting does nothing to make it disappear. Also if that was the case we would not have overweight monks. Also he was only there during advent fast (and possibly St. Mary’s) what a wimp, any child can do that standing on his head. Daniel was able to eat beans and gain weight. Also he was staying Alexandria and couldn’t get fish? I think this was a case of anti-coptic snobbery where he felt he was too good to eat our humble fare of foul, the food of the pharaohs. That our leeks, garlic, onions and melons of which the children of Israel were willing to forsake God for, were not good enough for his fast food swilling palate. He was probably paid off by the Islamic Brotherhood to starve himself to bring worldwide negative attention to the Copts and our pious zeal in fasting. He should be forced to live on mish and moloha for a year to know the greatness of Egyptian cuisine.

Militant Copt reviews The Passion of the Christ

Militant Copt (M.C.) found the movie an excellent piece cinema but there were a few issues. First M.C. found all the buzz about the film being anti-semetic a lot of non-sense. If anything the movie was anti-hamitic*. Mel Gibson completely ignores the fact Christ was ever in Egypt. Christ spent a tenth of His life there and we Copts get nothing. We get flashbacks of Christ washing his hands, joking with the Virgin Mary but nothing of Him in Egypt. He even showed Christ as a small child falling. The age Christ was in the flashback meant He probably was in Egypt (He was about 4-6 years old when the Holy Family left Egypt), but does Mel Show this at all. NNNooo!!!! Mel wanted the to be linguistically accurate, then why did he ignore Coptic? Christ would have spoken Coptic. He spent His formative years for language development in Egypt, but did Mel have Him even utter a single word or expression in Coptic. NNNooo!! Mel totally ignored any connection Christ had with Egypt because the Jewish controlled media is still upset because the Egyptians were the only people in history to successfully enslave the Jews.
Secondly the sound track while nice M.C. believes it would not give the viewer the full impact of the movie so to rectify the situation. M.C. and a group of deacons decided to accompany the film with choice Pascha hymns. But imagine the shock and dismay when part way through Pekethronos security came and forcibly ejected those deacons. M.C. has a religious persecution suit against the theater pending.

* Egyptians are a hamitic people not semetic like arabs and jews.

My Personals Ad

I give up on working, the more I work the more I end up in debt so below is my personal solution:

Are you a career driven and/or wealthy woman and would love to come home to hot dinner? Then I’m your man.
Reasonably intelligent single man looking for single independant woman who dreams of having a house-husband. Can cook, clean, and do basic sewing. Have no problems staying home and raising the children (you’d have to do is give birth and if so desired breastfeed I will do everything else).. Drug/disease free. Serious Inquiries only.

P.S. This is a real offer. So Serious inquiries only.

The Truth About the Easter Bunny

It is no small co-incidence that Egyptians do not believe in the easter bunny and eat rabbits. The easter bunny, or more accurately bunnies, are not the fun egg and candy spreading characters depicted in the media. Rather they are sentient species of rabbit who wish to collapse society by controlling the children via various psychotropic drugs mixed with addictive ones adminstered using egg dyes and easter candy. These drugs make people highly susceptible to the rudimentary telepathy these creatures have. They use it to communicate with each other as they lack speech. Also the reason they use a addictive drug is the psychotropic drug does not last long in a person’s system. So the addictive drug keeps people eating the candy maintaining a certain level of the psychtropic drug in the human body. What the bunnies do is then push those susceptible people to be very greedy, belligerently so. Notice how upset people get if you eat their favorite colored jelly bean or eat the ears of thier chocolate bunny? So, by means of this induced belligerence they hope to destroy the family unit, sever interpersonal relationships, create generations of socially dysfunctional people and eventually cause worldwide war. But our clever Egyptian forebears noticed the strange behavior caused by these bunnies. And began their systematic elimination but being frugal as well as clever our ancestors decided to try cooking them. This lead to one of the most important of Egyptian discoveries, moulukhia. They discovered the combination of rabbit and moulukhia to be a gastronomic delight. Eventually this lead to the eradication of the sentient variant of rabbit. Thus breaking the evil influence of the bunnies over Egypt. Unfortunately, here in the west the bunnies still have great influence in society and culture. They are so firmly entrenched here in America that any thought of eating rabbit is considered highly repulsive.
Be informed and spread the truth.

Bah! Humbug!

Bah humbug! All those who celebrate this bacchanalian parody of a religious feast day are welcome to it, but there is a reason the Lord blessed us with being Orthodox. We enjoy the benefit of all the major post-holiday sales and get to extend the holidays for an extra week. Oh and the fact that we can celebrate the day for its true and significant meaning without the hype and commercialization is a nice bonus.