Its depressing when your entire life can be summed up in a zolofft commercial

How many Egyptian adults does it take to make a cup of tea?
None, that whats the children are for.

Why is it mothers don’t ever remember hitting you but yet can remember the something you did wrong 20 years ago to the minutest detail?

“I have no problem subsidizing someone who sits on a couch all day reading magazines and watching television, because frankly we need people like that, but to over-educated yourself out of any hope of employement, I take issue.”

– from “Absolutely Fabulous”

“Two things you need about in life, women and booze. Each by themselves have the makings of a good time but mixing the two makes you a dumbass.”

– Red Forman from “That 70s Show”

When your mother says you are free to do whatever you want; you ARE NOT! Its a trap!!!! Do exactly what she wants or you will pay a dear price for it. (N.B. this also applies for wives)

Never play Russian roulette with a  semi-automatic, it takes all the fun out of the game. (or just make sure you go last.)

“1/3 of all Tawainese funeral processions include a stripper.”

When choosing a pet, only choose a pet you are reasonably confident you can defeat in hand-to-hand struggle, in case of food-chain-hierarchy disputes.

– from “The Onion”

Here is a weird piece of info. Apparently for the old Atari 2600 (remember it?), there were a slew of x-rated games made for it. It begs the question with the extremely low resolution on the atari how can you tell those are naked people?