Medieval monks used to refer to beer as liquid bread which would allow them to drink it during lent.

If you love God, truly love God, none of this wimpy folk singing clapping I love you Jesus hippie, but a hardcore take a bullet for God, throw me to the lions for His sake type then forward this email to 12 people. Yes that’s right 12 people! This isn’t one of those pansy emails that you email only to 10 people, how much love are you showing to God with that besides what significance has the number 10.
If you do not forward this email to 12 people. No salvation for you!! That’s right you read right. No salvation for you. You obviously don’t love God. And don’t think He won’t know, He created the entire universe, you don’t think He won’t know when you refuse to show Him how much you love him by forwarding this email.
And don’t think just by forwarding to 4 or 5 people, gets you off the hook. God hates that lukewarm crap. Just for that not only is there no salvation for you but you also get cast in with the sodomites in hell. Better than you deserve, you godless heathen.

Seriously, He divest Himself of His divine powers took human flesh, suffered and was crucified to show you how much He loved you and you can’t forward a lousy email to show Him how much you love Him

So unless you’re a loveless devil worshiper I’d forward this email to 12 people, not 5 not 10 but 12 people or no salvation for you.

“Mobius strippers never show you their backsides.”

– unknown

In case you didn’t get that bit of nerd humor heres an excerpt from a real scientific journal.

“While the putative mode of action of ajoene is enticing enough to warrant further studies, at present we are far from understanding the molecular basis for the reputed anti-vampire action of garlic in the Middle Ages. Unfortunately, we could not obtain the most desired test system for antivampire activity. Vampires may now be extinct, and a search for the anti-vampire activity in garlic must await development of suitable analytical tools.”

Kumar Jain M., Apitz-Castro R.; Trends in Biochemical Science 12(1987):252-254.

• The have no beard to play with while taking confessions.
• The emma (priest’s hat) gives them a bad case of hat hair.
• They’ll nag single congregation members to get married and married ones to have children.
• Every sermon is a guilt trip on how you don’t come to church enough, don’t call God and to stop slouching.
• During confession will remind you of things you did 15-20 years ago.
• Would force deacons to have ironed their tunias before each liturgy.
• Deacons would never be able to match priest’s voice pitch.
• Priests would start wearing flower-prints

Queer Eye on the Straight Guy making over H.H. Pope Shenouda.

Real World: Wadi Al Natroun. Watch as seven hermits are taken from the desert and forced to live together in a cell, watch when anchorites stop being polite and start being real.

American Deacon (which on second thought, might actually be a good idea. we need someway to thin the herd.)

COPTS: Filmed live and on location with the men and women of Sunday School “Bad boy, bad boy, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when tant and uncle come for you.”

“Little Miss Muffet decided to rough it
in a cabin old and medieval.
A rounder espied her and plied her with cider
And now she’s the forest’s prime evil.”

– Irvin S. Cobb

“Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.”

– Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy”

“Since most of what we regard as ‘civilization’ is an elaborate mating ritual–desperate attempts to attract, impress, and bed people we’re not already related to.”

– Dan Savage

The purpose of exercise is to make one healthy and to extend their life. This only prolongs our sojourn in this world of which we are not part of and should have no part in. It only delays our return to our true home, the bosom of the Father.

Therefore exercise is not Chrisitian.