“We had an agnostic family move into town, so we ended up burning a giant question mark on their lawn.”

– Milton Berle

Tahina and duck sauce are NOT a substitute for peanut butter and jelly.

“Abstain from beans. There be sundry interpretations of this symbol. But Plutarch and Cicero think beans to be forbidden of Pythagoras, because they be windy and do engender impure humours and for that cause provoke bodily lust.”

–Richard Taverner

O Lord, keep us from all stalls, crashes, flats, knocks, pings and all manner of transmission trouble and engine distress.
Make, O Lord, straight our roads and disperse all the traffic jams of the enemy.
Protects also from all evil that may befall us on the path.
The state trooper and his radar gun blind them,
The rubber-necker cut his neck asunder,
The slow driver in the left lane trample under wheel speedily.
So cover us with Your heavenly insurance, for which there is no deductable. For we have no co-pilot at the wheel but You for You send to us the tow truck driver, mechanic, and all manner of road side help.
Amen

“Murder is only extroverted suicide”
– from “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”

Cogito ergo sum.

– Rene DeCartes

The phrase means “I think therefore I am” but if you remove the g from cogito, you end up with “Coito ergo sum” you get a far more interesting phrase.

Who did the dishes after the Last Supper?

There really isn’t a word for “sexy” in Arabic.

Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?

– Kelvin Throop

It not funny being living proof that God has a sense of humor.