“If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?”

– Art Hoppe

“George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand. ”

– Unknown

• Playing Jesus ring toss, basically trying to get a ring (commonly a roll of masking tape) around Jesus’ head on a statue of the crucifixion.
• Playing football/basebaseball/soccer in the church building during liturgy. (doubly bad if your dressed as a deacon while doing so)
• Setting fire to abouna with a candle.
• Making prank phone calls from the church phone.
• Perpetrating fraud with church equipment.
• Creating a more popular parody of a popular email list with religious intentions

“Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”

– unknown

“My breasts have never done anyone any harm, while (Osama) bin Laden’s war has caused thousands of victims.”

– La Ciccolina, former Member of Italian Parliament/Pornstar

Marriage: A word which is not just a word but also a sentence.

– “Cynic’s Dictionary”

God’s Final Message to Creation: “Sorry for the inconvience.”

– Douglas Adams “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish”

“This so-called “new religion” is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord’s Prayer 40 times, but first, let’s pass the collection plate! ”

– Rev. Lovejoy from “The Simpsons”

“You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.”

– Al Capone

10. Are you sure you’re really orthodox?
9. Can you please uncuff the students?
8. Why does my child cry hysterically everytime I mention Sunday School?
7. Why are you wearing that bullet proof vest to class?
6. Do you have any idea why your class keep insisting to abouna you’re the devil?
5. Why are your kids running a protection racket* on the other classes?
4. How is it possible your kids know less about God coming out of your class than they did going in?
3. Where exactly does it say in the bible, give wedgies is an acceptable service to God?
2. Have you seen whast they did to the previous teacher?
1. Do you remember where you dumped the bodies?

*If you don’t know a protection racket is when you threaten to do harmful things to a person unless they paid