“You girls who wear crosses, you know who you are, you wear the cross and have it nestle there in your cleavage. That’s not fair making me choose like that. You know I’m going to end up choosing the devil every time.”
-Brian Posehn
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This song actually makes me not want to go to church. Ever!
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“When I was a child I used to pray fervently to God for a bicycle, but realized in God in His infinite wisdom did not work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.”
– Emo Philips
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A fun game to play during any fasting period is Siyam Russian Roulette. At a gathering of friends or any pot luck prepare a food that resembles a non-fasting food item like soy kofta or other such culinary mockeries. In the midst of them hide a full on non-fasting version in the midst. Watch as your hapless victims eats it and has the recognition of something is not quite right has just happened. Even better is watching them deal the sudden gastric distress that occurs with the sudden ingestion of animal fat and protein.
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Are you finding it hard to fast. Praying the Agpeya 7 times a day, 8 times too many? With a single prostration you risk a cardiac episode? That holy oil burns when it touches your skin? Or that korban cause you all sorts of gastric issues?
Its not your fault. It could be your parents. They could have stack the deck against you by making you a sin baby. Whats a sin baby, you ask? A child that was conceived during a fast, when married couples are supposed to refrain from conjugal relations.
How can you tell if you are the demonic spawn of an illicit tryst? With NotSo Industries Sin Baby Calculator App!! New and improved version 2.0 has an offset you can manually enter for premature births. Just enter your birth date and it calculates whether you were conceived in the clear or screwed for eternity. It takes into account all the vagrities of the Coptic calendar and its correlation to the Gregorian calendar, so rest assured of its accuracy.
(as an aside, you’ll see a statistically non-random distribution of birthdays of Copts correlating to periods 9 months after inter-fast periods)
Thanks to F.H.W. for the idea
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A fun game to play during any fasting period is Siyam Russian Roulette. At a gathering of friends or any pot luck prepare a food that resembles a non-fasting food item like soy kofta or other such culinary mockeries. In the midst of them hide a full on non-fasting version in the midst. Watch as your hapless victims eats it and has the recognition of something is not quite right has just happened. Even better is watching them deal the sudden gastric distress that occurs with the sudden ingestion of animal fat and protein.
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It is decreed that among the clergy, presbyters and deacons who abstain from flesh shall taste of it, and afterwards, if they shall so please, may abstain. But if they disdain it, and will not even eat herbs served with flesh, but disobey the canon, let them be removed from their order.
– Canon 14 from the Council of Ancyra
Apparently priests and deacons can choose whether or not to eat meat but to refuse vegetables that are cooked with the meat will get them removed from the priesthood. Take that vegans by choice, see your life style is unholy. Most of all by refusing to eat of bacon that which separates us from the Jew and Muslim is a denial of the grace of God.
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taken from the Pithless Thoughts blog by Steve Robinson
(more things like that can be found on his blog and book Orthographs )
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There is a man who while his name is unknown and has a massive positive impact on the fasts of Orthodox Christians across the country. His work bring a subtle sublime joy to our communal worship not unlike a grace of the Holy Spirit. His work brings a healing touch to those who suffer during the fasts. Among themselves monks and members of the Synod have spoke with great enthusiasm to each of his work and recommend it to each. With the fruits of his labor it lessens certain distractions from within and without which allow us to enter into deeper spirituality. He truly is a defender of the fast.
This man is the inventor of Beano.
Its a shame the Orthodox church does not have a formal canonization process but if enough people venerate him, he could be accept as a saint by popular acclaim. Axios, axios, axios Mr. Beano.
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Not So Spiritual Words 
ROFL I would actually pay to download this!