This is an example of why we don’t rely on Google Translate for liturgical texts. (Though some recent changes make about the same amount of sense)
I’d be willing to pony up a few bucks though to hear a liturgy completely translated by Google Translate actually prayed.
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Apparently this past Saturday for a few hours while His Holiness was in transit to Egypt there were rumors flying about that he had passed away. The confusion arose when someone missed the fact that the word departed more often means “To travel from or leave a location” than to “pass on from this world”. Sad but true.
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By Deacon 5
(to the tune of “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5)
Just shoot for the mic
If it feels right
And aim for my spot
If you feel like
And take it away and sing it OK
I swear I’ll behave
You wanted control
So we waited
I put on a show
Now I lead it
You say I’m a kid
My ego is big
I don’t give a crap
And it goes like this
[Chorus:]
See me in the tonia
And I’ll know you
Hear me ’til you’re deaf
And I’ll show you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I don’t need to try to control you
Hear me on the mic and I’ll own you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
[Verse 2:]
Maybe it’s hard
When you feel like you’re nasal and raspy
Nothing sounds right
But when you’re with me
I’ll make you believe
That I can sing on key
Oh
So stand in the front
We can sing it
Wherever you want
Get inside it
And you want to lead
But I’m shifting tunes
I’ll take it from here (Oh! Yeah yeah!)
And it goes like this (Uh)
[Chorus:]
See me in the tonia
And I’ll know you
Hear me ’til you’re deaf
And I’ll show you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I don’t need to try to control you
Hear me on the mic and I’ll own you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
[Bridge:]
You wanna know how to make me smile
Take control, own the mic just for the mass
And if I share my secret
You’re gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this
So hear and learn
I won’t play it twice
Head to toe, oooh just bang the def right
But if I share my secret
You’re gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this (Ay! Ay! Ay! Aaay!)
And it goes like this
[Chorus:]
See me in the tonia
And I’ll know you
Hear me ’til you’re deaf
And I’ll show you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I don’t need to try to control you
Hear me on the mic and I’ll own you
All the haz’zat like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
I play the def like Ayad
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I have run into guys on street corners asking if I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and won’t leave me alone when I answer yes. Even after I show them my cross, explain to them how I am deacon and Sunday School teacher within my Church and try to explain a whole bunch of things to try to prove to them I have accepted Jesus as my savior, stopping short of reciting the Nicene creed to them and showing them a copy of my baptismal certificate. Insisting I recite some prayer with them insisting that these few lines are more important that all I have gone through explaining to them. Making me wish when I was asked to have either replied Hail Satan and asked if they wished to partake of some unbaptised baby blood with me or start chanting Allahu Akbar and then start ulalating. It enough to make want to start field testing .308 and .30-06 to see which is the more accurate round.
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On whatever social media you are a part of post the most random and utterly meaningless without context bible verses. For example
“When he had gone out, Eglon’s servants came to look, and to their surprise, the doors of the upper room were locked. So they said, “He is probably attending to his needs in the cool chamber.” Judges 3:24
or
“And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen, and it was a very great gathering.” Genesis 50:9
et c.
For bonus points, reply or comment on such ridiculous verses someone else posts as if they were utterly life changing.
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When you read the Synaxarion there are several stories of angels appearing to saints rebuking them saying “Why are you waiting here? Go to ___ and confess Jesus Christ is Lord where you will be martyred.” or similar wording. That is a little disconcerting to be standing around praying then getting a message to go martyr yourself (that’s why I don’t stand around praying). Or was it a result of these saints having too much free time so God decided to fill it for them.
Though I see it as a very effective means of getting rid of annoying neighbors or family members, during the ages of martyrdom. Just show up in the middle of the night dressed like an angel and tell them to go off and get martyred. You no longer have an annoying neighbor (or family member) and he get the crown of martyrdom. Its a win-win for all involved.
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Coptic News Brief
Local congregant, Mina M. Mina, unaware of how the Coptic leap shifted the date of the Feasts of the Theophany, was rather upset when he found out his mother did not make the traditional ‘ol’ass (colcassia) today on the 19th of January. When he inquired of his mother, with whom he still lives with despite being 45 years old, she told him the feast day was tomorrow. Mina thought his mother was making an excuse not to cook the dish and desired to see him wake up without a head*. Despite the fact that Mina went to church for services the night before and found it locked. He assumed that for security reasons they finished church early. It took his mother showing him each of the dozen church calendars they recieve in the mail to convince him the feast is tomorrow.
* For the unaware there is an Egyptian saying “He who does not ‘ol’ass on the Theophany will wake up with out a head” (it rhymes in Egyptian Arabic)
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Not So Spiritual Words 