Simple Fact

Oprah Winfrey is the anti-christ !!
That is all.

Cold Water

Why & How is it the water abouna sprays, as a blessing at the end of the liturgy, is ice cold ? The temperature in the church can be a 110 degrees yet the water is ice cold. Does abouna secretly slip in a couple of ice cubes at the very end right before he starts spraying or during the liturgy does the Holy Spirit descend upon the pitcher as well, imbuing with this miraculous coldness?

How’s the Weather?

“If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth; And if a tree falls to the south or the north, there it shall lie.”

– Eccl 11:3

Interpertation: Apparently in the days of Solomon there were weather man whose forecasts were as meaningful and insightful as those of today, hence Solomon bemoaning his existence in Ecclesiates.

Origins of Evil

“In the beginning, God created man with free-will so he may choose between good and evil. There was only one catch. God made a big point of not giving man the knowledge to distinguish good from evil. He gave that to the apples. Man, not being an apple predictable stumbled upon evil.”

– from www.bettybowers.com the website of a superior christian

Pythagorean Injunction

Pythagoras of ancient Greece forbade his followers to eat fava beans because, according to legend, they were said to contain the souls of the dead.

Signs the Antichrist is a Vegetarian

Instead of roasting the flesh of infidels, the fires of Hell are now just used to roast marshmallows.
Vegetarians emit more gas than meat-eaters. What, you thought that smell was sulphur?
Have you tasted soymilk? Is there any its the work of the Devil?
A suspicious conspiracy amongst so-called experts to declare cheeseburgers bad for you.
If God had wanted us to eat vegetables, He would have made them out of meat.
The universal symbol for death and destruction is a mushroom cloud and not a T-bone steak
That pitchfork that Satan always carries? Salad fork.
There is no greater evidence of evil than people willing to pay that much money for food that tastes like total crap.
Well, dressing up in a bunny suit at public events and then handing kids pictures of mangled animals is a pretty good sign if you ask me.
Who else, other than the beast, would invent & popularize the tofu burrito?

Really Unlucky at Love?

If you cannot get someone to love you, pity is an acceptable substitute.

Tower of Babel

Why is it that when people speak to a non-native speaker of English, they’ll talk with an accent, as if that would make things clearer to the non-native speaker?

Widows

Why is it that Egyptian men often die before their wives?
There is no divorce in the Church.

Ten More Coptic Pickup Lines

1. How about you and me make a couple of Sunday school students?
2. So you pray here, often?
3. Hey baby, I’ve got a tamiya sandwich with your name on it. (Effective during fasts)
4. Want to see my cross?
5. I know a nice youth meeting/bible study we can go to.
6. I love a man in a tunia. (For use on deacons, obviously)
7. (Serenade the person with their favorite selections from tasbiha)
8. I got a bible verse I know you’ll like.
9. I’m a US citizen (Highly effective in Egypt)
10. I’m a doctor and finished/working on my equivalency.

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