Author: mrnotso

A New Hymn for Entrance of A Priest

(hey the Pope and bishops have one why not the priest) sung to the Tune of the Theme of Shaft

Who’s the black robed chap
who takes everyones crap?
Abouna
You’re damn right
Who is the man
that would risk his neck for his brother man?
Abouna!
Can ya dig it?
Who’s the cat that won’t cop out
when there’s protesting Egys’ all about
Abouna
Right on
You see this cat Abouna is a bad mother–
Shut your mouth
But I’m talkin’ about Bouna
Then we can dig it
He’s a complicated man
but no one understands him but his tasoni

– submitted by mrm

Wrong Reasons to Enter the Monastery

  • Piss Off the Parents
  • Afraid of Women
  • Unlucky with Women
  • Wish to change your name
  • Never joined a club before
  • Black makes you look slimmer
  • A beard would make you look distinguished
  • The only place where bearded arab men can hang out in large groups and not arouse suspicion
  • Girls like guys in uniform
  • It would be cool to eat fool mudemis year round
  • Desire super powers from God
  • Hope to be included in a new edition of “Paradise of the Fathers”
  • Alway wanted to see your own funeral
  • Need a career change

Fun Liturgy Games

The management at Not So Spiritual Words understands the whole church going experience can be a tad dull so we’ve come up with ways to add a little excitement to it:

  • Trip the lead deacon carrying the cross in a procession and watch them all fall like dominoes.
  • Try to bite abouna’s fingers as he gives you communion, things get really exciting if you succeed.
  • Bring a tape of your favorite liturgy and play in sync with the actually liturgy.
  • Read the church bulletin board, there are probably enough misspellings and malaprops to keep one amused for hours
  • Bring a small water gun with you and when abouna is spraying people, while the congregation looking at him squirt them in the back of the head and watch their suprise at the “miracle”.
  • Move peoples shoes around.

Yet 10 More Coptic Pickup Lines

1. Have your mother/aunt/grandmother ask the girl if she is available would she like to meet you.
2. So you want to teach sunday school together?
3. Why don’t stand next to me and take a look at my liturgy book?
4. Hey don’t we have the same father of confession?
5. You know when I die, I’ll be in the Synaxarium as a martyr to your love.
6. Saint Anthony (or insert the target persons favorite saint) appeared to me in a dream and said you are the one.
7. I was on my way to the monastery till I met you.
8. I definitely won’t be frowning in your face and I’ll gladly call you master. (to be used on men)
9. How about you, me and the Holy Spirit become one?
10. There’s always room for you on my pew.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THE REAL WORLD EFFICACY OF THESE LINES HAS NOT BEEN TESTED. IF YOU CHOOSE TO USE ANY OF THESE LINES THE WRITER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY SLAPPING OF THE FACE, STOMPING OF THE FOOT, OR ANY OTHER ASSORTED PAINFUL INJURIES THAT MAY OCCUR. THOUGH IF YOU FIND SUCCESS WITH ANY OF THE AFOREMENTIONED LINES, THE WRITER IS OWED A CONSULTING FEE OF $500 AMERICAN DOLLARS TO REMITTED UPON COMPLETION OF THE WEDDING. ALSO PLEASE CONTACT THE WRITER SUCH THAT THE WRITER MAY ALSO USE SAID LINE IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT AT HAPPINESS.

Hope for Egypt

TELEVISION AUTHORITIES will cancel the broadcast of all TV competitions that are not considered educational. Although competitions are very popular, officials have accused them of “not respecting viewers’ intellect”. (From Al Gumhurriya)

Then again, not:

A MAN who had been kicked by a donkey falsely accused his hated neighbor of hitting him on the head with a stick. The plan could have worked, except that the donkey had kicked him in his side, not on the head. (From Al Akhbar)

Top 7 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife

1. Find prostitute, marry her. – (Hosea 1:1-3)
2. Have God create wife while sleeping. Note: this will cost you. – Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
3. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a wife. Get tricked into marrying the wrong girl. Then work another seven years for the girl you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. – Jacob ( Genesis 29:15-30)
4. When you see someone you like, go home and tell parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” – Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
5. Kill any husband and take his wife (Prepare to lose four sons) – David ( 2 Sam 11)
6. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter – David ( I Sam 18:27)
7. A wife? … NOT? – Paul ( 1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

thanx to p.k. for the post

The Legend Of The Emma (Priest’s Hat)

as told to me by a priest

If you look at the priest’s emma, you notice its sort of flat and has a small ridge around it. Whereas that of a bishop is nice and rounded. Originally the priest’s emma was nice and round like the bishop’s but through years of pressure from the hierarchy from above and from the congregation from below has smashed the priest’s emma flat and raised the ridge around the edge. The reason the bishop’s is still round despite potential pressure from below by the congregation there is no pressure from above because the only one above bishops is God and He is compassionate.

My Personals Ad

I give up on working, the more I work the more I end up in debt so below is my personal solution:

Are you a career driven and/or wealthy woman and would love to come home to hot dinner? Then I’m your man.
Reasonably intelligent single man looking for single independant woman who dreams of having a house-husband. Can cook, clean, and do basic sewing. Have no problems staying home and raising the children (you’d have to do is give birth and if so desired breastfeed I will do everything else).. Drug/disease free. Serious Inquiries only.

P.S. This is a real offer. So Serious inquiries only.

Signs Abouna is Burnt Out and Needs a Vacation

  • He becomes personally insulting during confession.
  • Frequently taste tests the wine to make sure it hasn’t gone “bad”.
  • Bought shaving cream.
  • Constantly muttering the first halves of psalms 13 & 22
  • Hides in Sanctuary until everybody leaves the church.
  • Greets everybody by saying “Get thee hence Satan.”
  • Blatantly and purpose commits obvious errors in hopes of being reported to the Pope
  • Starts confessions not with a prayer but asking “What the hell is your problem?”
  • His sermons consist of just reading out of the Keraza or one of the pope’s books.
  • Just stops showing up.