• The have no beard to play with while taking confessions.
• The emma (priest’s hat) gives them a bad case of hat hair.
• They’ll nag single congregation members to get married and married ones to have children.
• Every sermon is a guilt trip on how you don’t come to church enough, don’t call God and to stop slouching.
• During confession will remind you of things you did 15-20 years ago.
• Would force deacons to have ironed their tunias before each liturgy.
• Deacons would never be able to match priest’s voice pitch.
• Priests would start wearing flower-prints

Queer Eye on the Straight Guy making over H.H. Pope Shenouda.

Real World: Wadi Al Natroun. Watch as seven hermits are taken from the desert and forced to live together in a cell, watch when anchorites stop being polite and start being real.

American Deacon (which on second thought, might actually be a good idea. we need someway to thin the herd.)

COPTS: Filmed live and on location with the men and women of Sunday School “Bad boy, bad boy, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when tant and uncle come for you.”

“Little Miss Muffet decided to rough it
in a cabin old and medieval.
A rounder espied her and plied her with cider
And now she’s the forest’s prime evil.”

– Irvin S. Cobb

“Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.”

– Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy”

“Since most of what we regard as ‘civilization’ is an elaborate mating ritual–desperate attempts to attract, impress, and bed people we’re not already related to.”

– Dan Savage

The purpose of exercise is to make one healthy and to extend their life. This only prolongs our sojourn in this world of which we are not part of and should have no part in. It only delays our return to our true home, the bosom of the Father.

Therefore exercise is not Chrisitian.