Peter Griffin: Yes, we all enjoy the Bible in this house!
Francis Griffin: Really? What’s your favorite book of the Bible?
Peter Griffin: Ah… um… ah… the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?
– from “Family Guy”
Tune in this Friday to the People’s Court (check local listings for time) to see “Copts in Court”
For the past two Sundays, the Sunday school teachers of St. Mary & St. Mark’s Coptic Othodox Church have been striking. They are protesting what they claim is unsafe working conditions and non-existent pay. They claim they want more than the heavenly reward. So after much negotiation with Abouna and the church board, the Sunday school teachers came away claiming victory with a 75% pay increase ending the two week deadlock. The victory was short-lived when the teachers reaslized 75% of 0 was still 0.
“Please let those who did not come this week come next week” has been declared by the Holy Synod as the official prayer of Sunday School. Due to its universality, it is prayed in every church Sunday School class by at least three children every Sunday. Also cited as a reason for their decision is the “miraculous nature” of the prayer. No one is taught the prayer yet everyone knows it. A close second for consideration was “Thank you for everything. The end.”
F.B.I.tis:
Where during important church events, such as major holidays and especially during papal visits, people who normally don’t go to church show up wearing dark suits and sunglasses and acting important. They are often wearing or carrying a badges. Almost always fake, upon closer examination of the badges will often say things as Crest Cavity Patrol or Lil’ Detective. They sometimes can be seen touching their ears as if they were wearing an ear piece. Have been known to tell people when confronted “Do you know who I am?”
Matchmaker Syndrome:
Most people are afflicted right after graduation from college. They find suddenly the old ladies of the church take a keen interest in them. Ladies who never said more than hello to the person start asking questions about their field of study, future earning potential, and idea of a perfect mate. After an impromptu ambush interview these old ladies will almost weekly thrust potential mates at the person, usually at the most inopportune times, such as entering the bathroom, having a mouth full of korban et c.. This assault does not stop until the subject is married, occasionally it will continue even after the person is married only stop after they have children.
Confused Deacon Complicated Tourettes:
A condition that mostly afflicts young inexperienced deacons. What occurs is when said deacon is placed in front of a microphone, their mind freezes and and a random phrase comes out of their mouths. At best its just the wrong response, usually it is something that ends up insulting half the congregation.
“The only I will lose this election is they find either a dead women or a live boy in bed with me.”
– Eddie Edwards
Sayedna,
Its written both in Proverbs and Romans “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Is the converse true meaning that if I dump coals on my enemy’s head it would be the same as feeding him and giving him drink. Because I sort of tossed a lit barbecue at my neighbor and was wondering if I needed to confess it.
Your Grace,
I know as Christians we should not do anything that supports the homosexual lifestyle or culture, so are we not allowed to wear anything by gay fashion designers? Like the way the jews control the media, gays control the fashion industry. We can’t go naked so what are we to do?
Your Grace,
My mother still hits me and yells at me like I was still five years old. This is very humiliating and embarrassing, especially when it happens in front of my grandchildren and their spouses. She won’t listen to me when I try to tell her how this makes me feel, maybe because she’s partially deaf. What can I do so I can live my twilight years in peace?
“In heaven there is no beer, thats why we drink it here.”
– from an Irish Drinking Song
1285 – Philip III of France died of the plague.
1450 – Jews are expelled from Lower Bavaria by order of Ludwig IX
1796 – Spain declared war on Britain in the Napoleonic Wars.
1813 – Tecumseh Native American leader dies.
1859 – An arsonist sets fire inside New York City’s iron and glass Crystal Palace, the most presitigious museum in the U.S. at the time. It burns to the ground, causing $2M damage and destroying thousands of priceless artifacts.
1864 – Calcutta, India almost totally destroyed by a cyclone – 60,000 die
1864 – Battle of Allatoona, 1/3 of Union troops die repulsing the South
1877 – After marching for more than 1,400 miles and confronting 2,000 US soldiers along the way, Chief Joseph surrendered with starving remnant of Nez Perce people.
1892 – The Dalton Gang are all killed.
1930 – The British airship R101 crashed on its first flight at Allonne, near Beauvais, France, killing 48 of its 54 passengers.
1942 – German engineer Herman Graebe witnesses a Nazi mass execution in the Ukraine.
1942 – America’s ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’, George M. Cohan, died at age 64.
1954 – Blaming “conflicting career demands” for the breakup of their 9-month marriage, screen actress Marilyn Monroe filed suit for divorce in Santa Monica, California, against baseball star Joe DiMaggio on grounds of mental cruelty
1954 – Hurricane Hazel hits Eastern US
1970 – Anwar Sadat was nominated to succeed Gamal Abdel Nasser as president of Egypt.
1972 – Herbert Mullin first kills, to prevent earthquakes
1974 –
1986 – Iran-Contra Scandal breaks.
1989 – Former evengelist, Jim Bakker, was convicted by a jury in Norfolk, VA
1991 – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch (with Loleatta Holloway) hit number one
1994 – Almost 50 members of the Order of the Solar Temple sect died in two suicide fires in Switzerland.
1998 – Infamous David Letterman stalker, Margaret Ray, age 46, committed suicide by kneeling in front of a train in Colorado.
1999 – In a move reminiscent of a strange combination of Nazi crimes committed against Gypsies and the postwar construction of the Berlin Wall, the town of Usti nad Labem in the Czech Republic begins construction of a wall to separate a portion of its Gypsy population away from more respectable folks.
October 5th is the United States most popular birth date. It seems that on average more people are born on this day than any other.an average of 12,576 people are born each year on the 5th of October and that some 968,000 Americans celebrate this day annually. It is nine monyhs after New Years Day.
Not So Spiritual Words 