Author: mrnotso

Boxers vs Briefs

“For as the girdle cleaveth to the loins of a man, so have I caused to cleave unto me the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah, saith the LORD; that they might be unto me for a people, and for a name, and for a praise, and for a glory: but they would not hear.” (Jeremiah 13:11 KJV)

Commentary: Apparently Israel and the house of Judah were the Lord’s chosen for they served as the underwear of God. Most exgetical scholars believe it is underwear of a metaphysical nature, though it is a matter of heated debate whether they are boxers or briefs.

Games To Play During Liturgy

Screw up the Deacons: Stand in the first row and sing as loud as you can but be either a beat too slow or a beat too fast and see how many you can throw off.
Cry Baby: If there is a little child that is looking at you see if you can make them cry (or if you want laugh) with just your facial expressions.
Find-a-Shoe: After you recieve communion as you go back to your seat take a random shoe and place by any random pew (just make sure there are not abouna’s shoes) and enjoy.
“Greek Chorus”: (based on the greek chorus from ancient plays) During the sermon (or anytime you feel like) just yell out “amen, ya rab” when Abouna says something you agree with.
Stuff It: See how many liturgy books, agpeyas, et c. you can stick in thoses book holders on the the back of the

Follow Up on Lesson 10

Some asked why not just tell Abouna “no you’re not forgiven” Besides cause a world of ecclesiastical trouble for both you and the priest, a true story as related to me by an older person. It occurred in their church in Egypt when they were a child. There was a priest who admittedly had no business being a priest (but those things seemed to happen quite a bit back in those days) It came to the this part of the liturgy and someone from the few people who still prayed there told abouna he refuses to forgive him. Abouna then proceeded to come down from the altar and beat the man with a shoe. (The priest in question was then as they say in Egypt sent behind the sun.) So the moral of the story is if you want to risk it make sure there are no shoes around.

Reader Submitted Questions

Sayedna,
Abouna told me that God loves me individually and i can speak to God as friend and tell Him all that i am thinking. So is it wrong to pray for a really hot wife or talk about really hot girls?

Your Grace,
The Bishop of my diocese hits me with his cross everytime he sees me. It really hurts and he won’t stop. Who can I turn to to for relief.

Sayedna
Would it be possible to use the picture gallery of various church websites to select a wife? Is this so wrong?

– all submitted by anonymous

Lesson 10

During the liturgy right before the prayer of reconciliation, when abouna bows before the congregation and says “I have sinned forgive me”, reply in a loud voice “Since you’re really sorry I forgive you.” or something to that effect.

Note: This has occurred before. The abouna in question was unable to continue with the liturgy until he had stopped laughing (be warned this may not be a common reaction). Also I was no where involved with the incident.

The Latest from the Not So Spiritual Shopping Network

Everyone remember that lovable Billy the Singing Bass and who can forget Travis Trout. Well we at the Not So Spiritual Shopping Network (NSSSN) had our crack engineering staff improve these wildly popular products. How, you ask, can we improve on perfection? By replacing the sound chip our expert engineers did the impossible. And now we at NSSSN proudly present Kyrillous the Cod and Mina Monkfish singing either Epouro or Aripsalin respectively. Get yours now in time for Christmas.

Coming soon, Karras the cymbal playing Clam to accompany Kyrillous the Cod and Mina Monkfish.