Author: mrnotso

Local Man upset completely missed Jonah’s Fast

Mina Youssef Sawaris was greatly dismayed to have arrived home after work, to find his mother left him a message on his answering machine wishing him a Happy Jonah’s Feast. ” Why did I not receive the memo” he complained. “I mean if it is something as important to get its own fast and feast, there should be some sort of wide scale notification, mass e-mailing or phone call or something similar”. When informed that such things are church calendars. He replied a busy on the go physician, who is extremely successful and single, did not have time for calendars. Upon further pressing he conceded that if actually went to church he might know these things.

Yet Even More Coptic Pick Up Lines

  • I would fast a whole year straight for you.
  • I was on my way to the monastery till I saw you.
  • You hear that, its my heart playing * when I’m with you.
  • Hi I’m a doctor (works wonders on the mothers.)
  • So whose your favorite pope?
  • How about we meet up for Complines?

* Not as romantic if their favorite hymn is Golgotha, Aripamevi or other Good Friday Hymn

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“Facts” learned from Sunday School Kids

Actual things said by Sunday School kids, I wish (for the sake of the church’s future) I was making this up but its all true.

– St. Mina was a pimp
– Jesus was born in Egypt.
– St. George’s first name was Mary (as in Mari Gerges)
– The prodigal son should has just killed himself when he ran out of money
– Deuteronomy was written by St. Paul and he only wrote two epistles.
– St. Mark’s Gospel is only 3 chapters long.
– Divorce is one of the seven sacraments
– Judas was muslim.
– Israelites wander in the wilderness 40 years because they did not use a map.

Signs You need to Tighten Discipline in Your Sunday School Class.

– You are mugged on weekly basis during your lesson.
– The FBI asks you to wear a wire to class.
– You watch CSI more for informational purposes than entertainment
– Abouna asks you whats RICO* and why your Sunday school kids know it better than the “Lord’s Prayer”
– Your Sunday school class finds the life story of St. Moses the Black inspirational, unfortunately the pre-repentance portion.
– “Lord of the Flies” hit a little to close to home.
– As you walk to your Sunday School class the other servants hum “Aripamevi”
– The tithes you collect from your Sunday school class is mostly counterfeit bills.
– The student try to see who breaks all Ten Commandments first.
– You feel a strong need to confess before and after class.

* Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Statute (used to prosecute Orginized Crime)