Fun Egyptian Superstitions*

Wear your undershirt inside out to protect you against the evil eye.
Never step over a person lying on the ground, if you do you have step back over them with the same foot. If you don’t they either go bald or stunt their growth.
Eating with you left hand and the devil eats with you.
A turned over shoe will cause arguments in the house.
If frightened or startled by something spit three times immediately.
If you leg is hurting you have the mother of twins step on your foot.
Never visit someone after a funeral in the same clothes you attended the funeral in.
Hearing an owl is bad luck.
If you see a cobra in your house follow where it goes into or comes out of the walls and you’ll find treasure there

*some maybe very regional
(none of these are made up I’ve heard all of them growing up, which may explain alot about how I turned out.)

Fun Games to Play with your Sunday School Class

Clergy or Terrorist: Take cropped photos, showing only their face, of either priest or terrorists and have them guess which it is. (Not as easy one would believe, especially with certain priests) Variation: Saint or Sinner: where you tell them a name of a heretic or a saint and have them figure out which is which.

What Do You Know?: Ask your kids very basic questions about the church and our faith and see what answers you get, like “Where was Jesus born?” or “Was Jesus God or man?” et c. Depending on the age of the kids, the wrong answers can be cute and funny (kindergartners) or disturbing and depressing (high schoolers).

Witchhunt: Convince the kids one of the other servants is teaching heresy (which might actually be true considering some of the sunday school teachers I’ve seen) and they have to find out who it is so it can be reported to abouna. (especially fun if there is servant you don’t care for and point the kids in his/her direction)

Paranoia: Teach the kids the devil is real and out to get them, reinforce this with footage of exorcisms and other frightening sounds and footage. See how long they go without sleep. Warning this game has to potential to permanently scar the kids which makes it funnier to me. (one needs a night light ever since, another can only go to the bathroom with the door open)

Separated at Birth?

“At length they saw a man coming (namely Paul), of a low stature, bald (or shaved) on the head, crooked thighs, handsome legs, hollow-eyed; had a crooked nose; full of grace; for sometimes he appeared as a man, sometimes he had the countenance of an angel. And Paul saw Onesiphorus, and was glad.”

–from the apocryphal “Acts of Paul and Thecla” 1:7

Basically it sounds like St. Paul physically looked like George Costanza

Not So Romantic Ideas for Valentines

Celebrate it like they did in Ancient times. Show up at the home of that special girl in your life dressed in the skins of a freshly sacrificed goat (to whom you sacrifice the goats is up to you) whipping her with bloody strips of the goat skins.
Steal for the relics of St. Valentines give them to that special someone. Whats more Valentine’s Day than the guy its named after.
Get martyred. Nothing says I love you more than dying for someone (besides its biblical).
Stalk that special someone hoping they panic and agree to marry you. (Ladies, Mr. Right could be standing outside your bedroom window right now)
Play cupid for your friends and leave “romantic” phone message or emails on their behalf
See if monasteries/convents have openings (why not, its cheaper than marriage and better for your soul)

The Voice of God is Government (or How to have God take care of elections for you)

At the Political rallies of candidates you don’t like get the crowds to chant “”This is the voice of a god, not of a man.” God will strike them dead (unfortunately not so effective against evangelical candidates).

Based on Acts 12:21-23

thanks to d.h. for idea

Even More Coptic Imponderables

What does his holiness wear under his faragaya (galabia)?
Why do older women take 2 hours to confess?
What does a priest do if he has to go to the bathroom during liturgy?
Do priests actually listen to confessions or zone out?
How is the water sprayed at the end of liturgy always ice cold?
How many pockets do priests actually have?

Answers

“ Don’t question God, for He may reply: “If you’re so anxious for answers, come up here.”

– unknown

Real Thing seen in actual Church Nativity Displays that Do Not Belong

Ferris Wheel
Missing baby Jesus
Dinosaurs (and other non-farm yard animals) among the animals
Eiffel Tower
A Train set
Santa Claus
A cupid as the angel
Adult Jesus

Sign from God

Its generally a clear, unambiguous sign that God does not really like you at the moment when you almost choke to death on the Body of Christ during communion.

Yet Even More More Coptic Pick-up Lines

Hey, baby, your body makes me want to scream aiernobi* all night long.
Want to make your next confession a little more interesting.
You really know how to fill out a tonia (for use on guys obviously)
You’re so hot I could light a censer with you.

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* trans I have sinned