Jerry Springer is Biblical

Then Lot went up out of Zoar and dwelt in the mountains, and his two daughters were with him; for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar. And he and his two daughters dwelt in a cave. Now the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man on the earth to come in to us as is the custom of all the earth. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. It happened on the next day that the firstborn said to the younger, “Indeed I lay with my father last night; let us make him drink wine tonight also, and you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father.” Then they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father.

Genesis 19:31-37

Interpretation: By this passage it is abundantly clear that the “Jerry Springer Show” has its origins in scripture. This program is not “trash tv” as some claim but rather a powerful evangelical tool that illuminates these difficult passages and show their applications and ramifications in everyday life.

Where’s Santa?

Your Grace,
Why doesn’t Santa Claus deliver toys on January 7. I learned in sunday school that Santa Claus was Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Mora, Turkey and he was orthodox. So there should be any reason he doesn’t deliver toys on Jan. 7, if anything he should be delivering anything on Dec. 25 since he’s orthodox and everything. Could you have the pope pray and make St. Nick deliver toys on Jan. 7 because I don’t think its fair that we get no toys just because we follow a different calendar.

Baby, Its Cold Outside

Now King David was old, advanced in years; and they put covers on him, but he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, “Let a young woman, a virgin, be sought for our lord the king, and let her stand before the king, and let her care for him; and let her lie in your bosom, that our lord the king may be warm.” So they sought for a lovely young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very lovely; and she cared for the king, and served him; but the king did not know her.
1 Kings 1:1-4

Interpertation: It is not wrong to hire beautiful girls to keep you warm at night if you are cold and by the same token any enterprising young woman who wishes to earn money keeping men warm in there beds may do so.

By the way the heat doesn’t work in my apartment .

Merry Christmas, Middle East.

“I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say…

“Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry f—ing Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven’t noticed
It’s Jesus’s birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and f—-ing celebrate.”

– Mr. Garrison of “South Park”