Deacon Illiteracy

The irony of our times is that with as much of communication now being visual fewer and fewer people are able to actually read real English. Some all too common mistakes (and probably should be tested for prior to tonsuring an individual a reader):

• Immorality read as immortality. One might say they look very similar so its not too big a deal. The problem is its usually in context of 1 Corinthians. So the reader should figure out that sexual immortality is wrong. They don’t. They end up constantly repeating sexual immortality. What is sexual immortality? Sexual immorality, everyone knows, sexual immortality, not so much. Can someone please explain what sexual immortality is, since these deacons insist on repeating that phrase? It maybe some aspect of the faith that my ignorance of it, may negatively impact my salvation, since immortality is our ultimate goal.

• Sepulchre or Sepulcher is pronounce as sculpture, supple car, sup chair, et c.. This makes a somber cathartic Good Friday into an anger inducing desire to re-enact the crucifixion with the offending deacon.

• Woe read as woo. The scripture as read by Ric Flair.

• Any name over two syllables in length. Yes many of them are tough but most can be sounded out. Unfortunately that does not happen. Rather they make up names which oddly sound like those of Star Wars characters.

• Not understanding that punctuation actually affects how you read the text. Instead biblical passages become one long run on sentence. Bonus points if it is read in a mumbly monotone.

• Then there are those who seem to have gone to rehab for Hooked on Phonics®. they should not be given any reading material and place in front of a microphone. I’m not talking about individuals born and raised in another country but that special individual who could actually get a refund for his diploma.