“God’s last name is not “Dammit!””
– Unknown
<!–entry
<!–post
“And while I’m on the subject, let me say something about Harry Potter. Warlocks are the enemies of God! And I don’t care what kind of hero they are, they’re an enemy of God and had it been in the old testament Harry Potter would have been put to death!”
“[Referring to President George W. Bush] He has really brought some real credibility, um, to the Christian faith”
“I can go into a playground of kids that don’t know anything about Christianity, lead them to the Lord in a matter of, just no time at all, and just moments later they can be seeing visions and hearing the voice of God, because they’re so open. They are so usable in Christianity.”
” Did you get to the part yet where they say that science hasn’t proven anything?”
“At five I got saved because I just wanted more out of life.”
“It’s no wonder, with that kind of intense training and discipling, that those young people are ready to kill themselves for the cause of Islam. I wanna see young people who are as committed to the cause of Jesus Christ as the young people are to the cause of Islam. I wanna see them as radically laying down their lives for the Gospel as they are over in Pakistan and Israel and Palestine and all those different places, you know, because we have… excuse me, but we have the truth!”
– from the documentary “Jesus Camp“
<!–entry
<!–post
Pedicures – St. Bishoy
Hard Candy – St Agathon
Home Security Systems – St. Moses the Black
Gardening – St. John the Short
Cluckolded husbands – St. Paul the Simple
Transvestites – St. Marina
Rock & Roll – St. Stephen
Ice Skating – 40 Martyrs of Sebaste
Herpetologists – St. Barsoum the Naked
Okay this one is rather subtle and requires knowledge of the particular saint’s life to make sense
Thanks to dh & mh for the idea.
<!–entry
<!–post
If bored with a lecture/sermon, a way to have fun with the speaker with out drawing negative attention to yourself (key if you wish to keep pulling stunts like these). Every time the speaker makes a point, nod your head vigorously in agreement. Eventually you will catch the speaker’s eye. Your nod may throw off the speaker, and over time the speaker will subconsciously look to you to see if you are nodding. Then every so often shake your head in disagreement. Occasionally it will get to the point where the speaker will ask you if they are correct.
<!–entry
<!–post
Last night, Gerges Mina, 63, was inadvertently poisoned by his wife of 32 years, Bahga Mina, 56. Bahga stated that her husband, Gerges, was complaining earlier in the day of indigestion; so in an effort to cure him, she put sand in his dinner. This was no ordinary sand, she claimed. It was sand of Abouna Yessa. The sand from surrounding the location of the cell of this holy man is reputed to have healing power. It is unclear whether this was actually from said location, since based on rough estimates on the amount of sand floating around the various Coptic communities the location of the cell must now be a 100 foot deep crater in the desert. Unfortunately for Gerges, the sand contained high levels of naturally occurring toxic arsenic and flouride compounds.
(loosely inspired by true events)
<!–entry
<!–post
“The church is close but the road is icy. The tavern is far so I will walk carefully.”
-Russian Proverb
My favorite bit of blasphemy (scary thing I can see this happening with certain Copts)
<!–entry
<!–post
During a church holiday celebration, a servant dressed as Santa Claus was attacked by what appears to be St. Nicholas. Due to the speed and suddeness of the attack, it is unclear whether it was an actually appearance of the saint or just someone dressed as him. As the servant was “ho ho ho”ing and handing out candy to the children, suddenly St. Nicholas appeared and began pummelling him with his bishops’ staff. During the thrashing, he shouted out, “You fraud you are not me. You have no place in the house of God you representive of commercialism, greed and lust for worldly goods.” St. Nicholas immediately disappeared after the beating. The servant was not seriouly injured. When asked for a comment, he stated “I knew it was wrong, I should have listened to my conscience. Though the head of Sunday School and abouna said it was okay. Why did he not beat them too.” According to church historians the attack was actually in character for the saint for he slapped Arius during the Council of Nicea. The children who witnessed the attack were confused, one child asked how can the church celebrated christmas without Santa.
<!–entry
<!–post
Your Grace,
If I see a disgusting scene like old fat naked people having sex does that negate another sin?
Sayedna,
If I became vampire could I live off of the blood of Christ and can my priest pray the prayers of consecrating the chalice without a liturgy? Or what if I fed off of only muslims or criminals, would that be okay?
Sayedna,
As a deacon do I have to wear clothes underneath my tonia? In the summer it gets very hot and the air conditioning in the church is rarely turned on because some of the old women complain it gets too cold (they complain it get too cold if someone behind them breathes too hard). Also my tonia is a heavy polyester material, so by the end of liturgy I feel like I’m going to pass out from heat exhaustion. Obviously I would put my clothes back on before I take off my tonia.
<!–entry
<!–post
<!–entry
<!–post
“We know, too, that some men are differently constituted from others, and have some rare and remarkable faculty of doing with their body what other men can by no effort do, and, indeed, scarcely believe when they hear of others doing…. Some, by lightly pressing their stomach, bring up an incredible quantity and variety of things they have swallowed, and produce whatever they please, quite whole, as if out of a bag…. Some have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at pleasure, so as to produce the effect of singing.”
St. Augustine “City of God”
<!–entry
<!–post
<!– page nav
Not So Spiritual Words 