During the liturgy right before the prayer of reconciliation, when abouna bows before the congregation and says “I have sinned forgive me”, reply in a loud voice “Since you’re really sorry I forgive you.” or something to that effect.
Note: This has occurred before. The abouna in question was unable to continue with the liturgy until he had stopped laughing (be warned this may not be a common reaction). Also I was no where involved with the incident.
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Everyone remember that lovable Billy the Singing Bass and who can forget Travis Trout. Well we at the Not So Spiritual Shopping Network (NSSSN) had our crack engineering staff improve these wildly popular products. How, you ask, can we improve on perfection? By replacing the sound chip our expert engineers did the impossible. And now we at NSSSN proudly present Kyrillous the Cod and Mina Monkfish singing either Epouro or Aripsalin respectively. Get yours now in time for Christmas.
Coming soon, Karras the cymbal playing Clam to accompany Kyrillous the Cod and Mina Monkfish.
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Peter Griffin: Yes, we all enjoy the Bible in this house!
Francis Griffin: Really? What’s your favorite book of the Bible?
Peter Griffin: Ah… um… ah… the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?
– from “Family Guy”
Tune in this Friday to the People’s Court (check local listings for time) to see “Copts in Court”
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For the past two Sundays, the Sunday school teachers of St. Mary & St. Mark’s Coptic Othodox Church have been striking. They are protesting what they claim is unsafe working conditions and non-existent pay. They claim they want more than the heavenly reward. So after much negotiation with Abouna and the church board, the Sunday school teachers came away claiming victory with a 75% pay increase ending the two week deadlock. The victory was short-lived when the teachers reaslized 75% of 0 was still 0.
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“Please let those who did not come this week come next week” has been declared by the Holy Synod as the official prayer of Sunday School. Due to its universality, it is prayed in every church Sunday School class by at least three children every Sunday. Also cited as a reason for their decision is the “miraculous nature” of the prayer. No one is taught the prayer yet everyone knows it. A close second for consideration was “Thank you for everything. The end.”
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- F.B.I.tis:
Where during important church events, such as major holidays and especially during papal visits, people who normally don’t go to church show up wearing dark suits and sunglasses and acting important. They are often wearing or carrying a badges. Almost always fake, upon closer examination of the badges will often say things as Crest Cavity Patrol or Lil’ Detective. They sometimes can be seen touching their ears as if they were wearing an ear piece. Have been known to tell people when confronted “Do you know who I am?”
- Matchmaker Syndrome:
Most people are afflicted right after graduation from college. They find suddenly the old ladies of the church take a keen interest in them. Ladies who never said more than hello to the person start asking questions about their field of study, future earning potential, and idea of a perfect mate. After an impromptu ambush interview these old ladies will almost weekly thrust potential mates at the person, usually at the most inopportune times, such as entering the bathroom, having a mouth full of korban et c.. This assault does not stop until the subject is married, occasionally it will continue even after the person is married only stop after they have children.
- Confused Deacon Complicated Tourettes:
A condition that mostly afflicts young inexperienced deacons. What occurs is when said deacon is placed in front of a microphone, their mind freezes and and a random phrase comes out of their mouths. At best its just the wrong response, usually it is something that ends up insulting half the congregation.
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“The only I will lose this election is they find either a dead women or a live boy in bed with me.”
– Eddie Edwards
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Not So Spiritual Words 