When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19-2. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them – (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
– Unknown from some e-mail forward
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“The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I’ll walk carefully.”
– Russian Proverb
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Bisara, oh Lord,
Intestines exploding
Too late for Gas-X
Fava beans God’s gift
Thousands of ways to pepare
Unfortunately
Eternal question
Tamiya or Falafel
Battle rages on
Beano oh Beano
Without its help all is lost
Intestines rejoice
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- Ascetic Eye for the Lay Guy
With 5 monks give lay men a monastic makeover.
Fashion Monk: You have many pieces of beautiful designer clothing get rid of them. The nature of an ascetics clothing should such that if he leaves it on the side of the road no one would look at them.
Food & Wine Monk: I’ve taken the liberty of emptying out your refrigerator and pantry. Here’s a loaf of bread and a gallon of water, I’ll be back next week and give you another loaf and more water.
Culture Monk: Its evil, the entire world is filled evil there’s little of benefit in it. Its best just to lock yourself in your room and pray.
Design Monk: You have many interesting piece of art around your apartment. They too distracting so, we going to move you into a crypt and seal you in there so you can meditate.
Grooming Monk: Why care for your outward appearance will you get into heaven because you have nice highlights? Besides what kind of man has highlights except those of questionable morals?
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Militant Copt (M.C.) found the movie an excellent piece cinema but there were a few issues. First M.C. found all the buzz about the film being anti-semetic a lot of non-sense. If anything the movie was anti-hamitic*. Mel Gibson completely ignores the fact Christ was ever in Egypt. Christ spent a tenth of His life there and we Copts get nothing. We get flashbacks of Christ washing his hands, joking with the Virgin Mary but nothing of Him in Egypt. He even showed Christ as a small child falling. The age Christ was in the flashback meant He probably was in Egypt (He was about 4-6 years old when the Holy Family left Egypt), but does Mel Show this at all. NNNooo!!!! Mel wanted the to be linguistically accurate, then why did he ignore Coptic? Christ would have spoken Coptic. He spent His formative years for language developement in Egypt, but did Mel have Him even utter a single word or expression in Coptic. NNNooo!! Mel totally ignored any connection Christ had with Egypt becaused the Jewish controlled media is still upset because the Egyptians were the only people in history to successfully enslave the Jews.
Secondly the sound track while nice M.C. believes it would not give the viewer the full impact of the movie so to rectify the situation. M.C. and a group of deacons decided to accompany the film with choice Pascha hymns. But imagine the shock and dismay when part way through Pekethronos security came and forcibly ejected those deacons. M.C. has a religious persecution suit against the theater pending.
* Egyptians are a hamitic people not semetic like arabs and jews.
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Not So Spiritual Words 