2003 January

Jan 24

Wrong Reasons to Enter the Monastery

Miscellaneous Meditations No Comments »

  • Piss Off the Parents
  • Afraid of Women
  • Unlucky with Women
  • Wish to change your name
  • Never joined a club before
  • Black makes you look slimmer
  • A beard would make you look distinguished
  • The only place where bearded arab men can hang out in large groups and not arouse suspicion
  • Girls like guys in uniform
  • It would be cool to eat fool mudemis year round
  • Desire super powers from God
  • Hope to be included in a new edition of “Paradise of the Fathers”
  • Alway wanted to see your own funeral
  • Need a career change

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    Jan 21

    Ecumenical Relations

    Miscellaneous Meditations No Comments »

    “My mother told me if the Protestants found a Catholic in their church, they would feed them to the Jews.”

    – Kate from “The Drew Carey Show”

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    Jan 17

    Fun Liturgy Games

    Miscellaneous Meditations No Comments »

    The management at Not So Spiritual Words understands the whole church going experience can be a tad dull so we’ve come up with ways to add a little excitement to it:

  • Trip the lead deacon carrying the cross in a procession and watch them all fall like dominoes.
  • Try to bite abounas fingers as he gives you communion, things get really exciting if you succeed.
  • Bring a tape of your favorite liturgy and play in sync with the actually liturgy.
  • Read the church bulletin board, there are probably enough mispellings and malaprops to keep one amused for hours
  • Bring a small water gun with you and when abouna is spraying people, while the congregation looking at him squirt them in the back of the head and watch their suprise at the “miracle”.
  • Move peoples shoes around.

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    Jan 13

    Yet 10 More Coptic Pickup Lines

    Miscellaneous Meditations No Comments »

    1. Have your mother/aunt/grandmother ask the girl if she is available would she like to meet you.
    2. So you want to teach sunday school together?
    3. Why don’t stand next to me and take a look at my liturgy book?
    4. Hey don’t we have the same father of confession?
    5. You know when I die, I’ll be in the Synaxarium as a martyr to your love.
    6. Saint Anthony (or insert the target persons favorite saint) appeared to me in a dream and said you are the one.
    7. I was on my way to the monastery till I met you.
    8. I definitely won’t be frowning in your face and I’ll gladly call you master. (to be used on men)
    9. How about you, me and the Holy Spirit become one?
    10. Theres always room for you on my pew.

    DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THE REAL WORLD EFFICACY OF THESE LINES HAS NOT BEEN TESTED. IF YOU CHOOSE TO USE ANY OF THESE LINES THE WRITER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY SLAPPING OF THE FACE, STOMPING OF THE FOOT, OR ANY OTHER ASSORTED PAINFUL INJURIES THAT MAY OCCUR. THOUGH IF YOU FIND SUCCESS WITH ANY OF THE AFOREMENTIONED LINES, THE WRITER IS OWED A CONSULTING FEE OF $500 AMERICAN DOLLARS TO REMITTED UPON COMPLETION OF THE WEDDING. ALSO PLEASE CONTACT THE WRITER SUCH THAT THE WRITER MAY ALSO USE SAID LINE IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT AT HAPPINESS.

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