You know you’re Egyptian if Benny Hill was the only program you sat and watched as a family (with the exception of your mother who would hate the show)
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Saying you don’t look suspicious while in an airport, instantly makes you suspicious.
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There is a misconception that Santa is a jolly fat man in a red suit that cavorts with flying reindeer. In actuality Santa is not such a benign entity. He is a megalomaniacal despot bent on eventual world domination, not unlike the UNAbomber. He makes us believe, that he rides a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and delivers toys to good boys and girls, by using nanotechnology, A.K.A. microscopic robots. What he does is manufactures tinsel containing these microscopic robots (and who has ever seen a christmas display without tinsel, think about it) and when the tinsel is touched or moved it releases thousands of these robots into the air. They are then inhaled and burrow through the avoeli and get into the blood stream. From the blood stream the eventually attach themselves to the brain stem. Once there, through controlled electrical discharges which he can control via radio signals which he can easily piggyback unto the worldwide GPS signals, he can make people buy things to give to others and give credit to a fat man who has a thing for midgets and reindeer, or other sorts of nonsense.
You might say that sounds harmless enough what does this have to do with world domination? I pose this question to you in reply, have you noticed christmas decorations have been going up and being put on sale earlier and earlier? It is at the point where the christmas stuff is around before the “back to school” stuff is. Also he use this system to make people do stupid things during the holidays such as drink eggnog ( its a raw egg milkshake for Christ’s sake). Also what happens if he one decides to lend out the system to the easter bunny!!!
Food for thought.
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“I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say…
“Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry f—ing Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.
In case you haven’t noticed
It’s Jesus’s birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and f—-ing celebrate.”
– Mr. Garrison of “South Park”
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It not funny being living proof that God has a sense of humor.
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“When buying a pet and you want to have fun, ask the salesperson `So how do you cook it?’”
– unknown
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Oddly enough, women don’t take being told, that they have great hips for child-bearing, as a complement.
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You know things have gone horribly wrong with your sunday school class, when you find yourself coming to class more heavily armed each week.
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“And in a window sat a certain young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep. He was overcome by sleep; and as Paul continued speaking, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead. ” Acts 20:9
Interpretation: Being saint does not mean a person is skilled in all things nor does a person have to be to become a saint (lucky thing). As we can see St. Paul was a writer of many deeply significant epistles, and yet a dull public speaker. He may have been the only man in history to literally bore a man to death.
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Not So Spiritual Words 