Coptic Imponderables

When abouna is at home washing dishes does he have a deacon stand beside him saying “shere pistavros” after he cleans each dish?
Do abounas put curlers in their beards when they sleep?
Is there a secret group of designers who determine the latest in trends (i.e. sleeve lengths, saints pictures on tonia, patrachelion with/out tassles etc) for deacon tunics?
What happens if your patron saint doesn’t like you?
Wouldn’t communion be Atkins friendly since its Christ’s flesh and blood, i.e. high protein?
Would you be an anchorite if went for a walk in the desert one day and got lost for a few years?
Is it normal for your father of confession to stop seeing because he claims you are bad for his spiritual life?
Do the plant which grow in the area that the baptismal water drain be considered Christian?
What if Coptic is the language of heaven?