Blame Chalcedon

(sung to the tune “Blame Canada” from the South Park movie)

Times have changed,
our schisms are getting worse
They won’t obey the canons they just want to blame and curse

Should we blame the emperor? Or blame society?
Or should we blame the Greek vocabulary?

No, blame Chalcedon, blame Chalcedon
With all their beedy little eyes have packed their heads so full of lies, blame Chalcedon, blame Chalcedon,
we need to form a full assault its Chalcedon’s fault

Don’t blame us for Eutyches, he was a nutty old heretic, we condemned

And Pope Dioscorus, proud defender of the faith but they physically beat up and exiled him

Well? Blame Chalcedon, blame Chalcedon, it seems that everythings gone wrong since Chalcedon came along, blame Chalcedon, blame Chalcedon
It’s not even a real ecumenical council anyway

Then theres Leo’s Tome, a document that would have not solved anything, but Rome wanted shown anyway
Should we blame the Second Council of Ephesus? Should we blame Dioscourus?
Or the eastern bishops who did not show it?

Heck no, blame Chalcedon, blame Chalcedon, with all their cries of monophysite

And that *itch Pulcheria too

Blame Chalcedon, shame on Chalcedon,
The Nestorians we must stop
The diophysites we must smash
Schisms and anathemas
must all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss
Because there is no reason to blame us!

(might want to review Church history to appreciate this one)